but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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