I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
