I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
