Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How external is "for external use only"?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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