can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
