Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
