you traded sex for a burrito?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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