her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Terrible idea I love it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
