he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude. I can hear the air.
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