I smell stomach acid.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
