yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
