I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
God, I missed his penis.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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