why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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