last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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