you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
