I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
