that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
