theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
