Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
