Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
