I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
This house was built for laser tag.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
