Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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