i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
