I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
