I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
