Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize