I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
