The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
