I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
is that a dick in a sweater?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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