Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
