I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
