we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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