i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.