in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
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You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other