I'm eating all of the evidence.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
