I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
