WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
