You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
