All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
