yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
two words: eviction party
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
