shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Randomize
