the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
