There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My bed smells like the plague
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
