dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
