a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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