Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
