Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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