This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
