I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
