I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
