my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
