I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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