Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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