some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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