my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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