i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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