he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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