Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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