i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
