wakey wakey hands off snakey
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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