let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
