Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
