Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
