it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
