I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
