I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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