im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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