I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
