he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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