the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
