Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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