when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
