Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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