they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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