That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
