grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
