Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
