and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
