You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
