Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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